Receiving before responding

A difficult message arrives. Before we have finished reading it, the reply is already forming.

The reflex is to push the discomfort away—and sometimes the other person with it.

A contemplative practice I know as Giving and Receiving reverses that reflex: on the in-breath, receive the difficulty without becoming it; on the out-breath, offer attention, steadiness and goodwill.

Its structure closely parallels Tibetan tonglen. This is not about carrying another person’s burden. It is practice in not looking away.

Sometimes what we can give depends on what we are willing to receive.